The original HBP Movie script (maybe spoilers?), (a satire written by me...For what its worth, i love harry potter) Options

[Styrofoam]

Opening credits: We've got screen time!!! Hooray!

Bridge: I'm cracking and rocking. O NOES!!!!

Muggles: Help! aaaaaaaaah

Bellatrix: I'm crazy. Can't you tell by my hair?

Narsissa: I need help!!!

Snape: I am evil. Can't you tell? I talk really slowly and wear all black.

David Yates: So far so good. Already destroyed the book completely and we're only on chapter 1!

Audience: Yawn

Bellatrix: DO IT.

Everyone: What in the world are you talking about?

Bellatrix: You know... it... the unbreakable vow.

Everyone: ooooh that...whats that?

This scene: ends.

Scene that never happened in the book: I'm happening in the movie!

Waitress: Did that picture move? I thought it did

Harry: No.

Waitress: You're cute

Harry: You're not....Dumbledore?

Dumbledore: Don't be so stupid Harry you should be at home with the Dursleys

Dursleys: We're not actually in this film.

Dumbledore: Lets go do something harry.

Dumbledore's hand: Is blackened and charred

Harry: What are we doing?

Dumbledore: Follow me

Harry: Oh a weird looking chair:

Chair: Ouch don't sit on me

Dumbledore: Got ya

Slughorn: Got me. I'm not gonna teach. Oh is that harry potter? Okay i'll teach.

Harry: is confused

Dumbledore: Doesn't explain.

Dumbledore's hand: Anyone notice I am charred? No one has said anything about me... so...

Dumbledore: Lets go to the burrow!

Harry: Ok

Ginny: Is Harry here?

Molly: No

Harry: Yes I am you stupid witch

Molly: Oh hi Harry!

Everyone: Goes to Daigon Alley

Malfoy: Looks suspicious

Nothing else: Happens

All the kids: Are on the hogwarts express

Hermione and Ron: Even though we were prefects in the book, we would rather sit with you harry!

Neville and Luna: Are not here

Harry's Invisibility cloak: Use me dang it

Harry: Uses Instant Darkness powder instead

Harry's invisibility cloak: Stupid git.

Harry: Thats it. I'm only using you once this entire movie despite using you countless times in the book!

Malfoy: What is that noise? Oh its just Harry Potter. Bye! Oh yeah, you're cursed!

Harry: Oh no! My nose is broken and I can't move. When is Tonks going to save me?

Luna: Here I am!

Harry: Tonks?

Luna: No, I'm Luna. Tonks is a minor character. She can't get any screen time. This is my cameo.

Harry: "Makes sense."

McGonnagal: Potter why are you just sitting there? Go to potions class. You too Weasley!

Harry and Ron: Okay. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

Slughorn: Oh i'm glad you made it. Get a book out of the closet.

Ron: Dibs on the nice looking one.

Harry: Ah man! Oh wait. Haha Half blood prince knows potions

Audience: Finally, we're getting the plot!

Harry: Wins luck potion

Ginny and some guy: Start kissing

Daniel Radcliffe: Tries to act angry.

Hermione: Cheats

Neville: makes his single cameo appearance

Harry: Pretends to cheat

Ron: Is oblivious to everything

Ron and some girl: Start kissing too

Hermione: starts crying.

Teen romance subplot: You mean I am the main plot of this movie?!?!

Real plot: Takes a back seat

Malfoy: Kills a bird

Half Blood Prince: Wrote something in the book

Harry: "Sectumsempra!"

Malfoy: bleeds

Snape: Looks at Harry.

Malfoy: Bleeds more

Snape: Continues to look at harry.

Malfoy: Moans, still bleeding.

Snape: Heals malfoy.

Harry: Runs away. "no detention! yay! dark magic is fun and easy!"

Teen Romance Subplot: Continues to be the main plot

Real plot: Kills itself.

Audience: Wait, which Harry potter is this?

Dumbledore: "Make sense of these two memories....The other ones don't matter."

Harry: "Wait what?"

Dumbledore: "Get Slughorn's real memory"

Harry: "Okay..."

Dumbledore's hand: "HEY! LOOK AT ME!!!! SAY SOMETHING!!! I AM STILL CHARRED BLACK YOU KNOW!"

Ginny: "uh, you gotta hide the book."

Half Blood Prince: Knows dark magic

Harry: "Okay, maybe I'll see ravenclaw's diadem in there."

Ginny: "No, close your eyes so we can rewrite more of the book!!!"

The burrow: Gets attacked
Audience: "WAIT WHAT???!!!!"

David Yates: "I hate the burrow. It had to be destroyed. Great scene though, right? right? riiiiight?"

Audience: "..... uh..... i guess?"

David Yates: "Can't talk, got more book to rewrite! MORE ROMANCE ANGST!!!!"

Audience: Groans

More teenage love angst: Happens

Rupert grint: Acts really well.

Ron: Almost dies.

Harry: Saves Ron's life....somehow.

Harry: "Can i get your memory Sluggy?"

Slughorn: "No!"

Harry: (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

Slughorn: "Go away!"

Harry: Gets high

Slughorn: "Here you go! i love it when kids to drugs! Horcruxes are bad, mmkay?"

Dumbledore: "Come with me Harry! get a broom stick"

Dumbledore's Hand: Is still charred black.

Dumbledore: Pretends to explain why

David Yates: "I hate brook sticks.. Disapparate Old man! DO IT..."

Harry: "Wait a minute... you can't disapparate from Hogwart....can you?"

Audience: "Yeah, wait a minute"

Dumbledore "apparently i can now!"

Audience: Wait, how'd he know where to come? We never saw this memory?

David Yates: "Magic..."

Audience: "...but..."

David Yates: "I SAID MAGIC!"

Dumbledore: Cuts himself.

Harry: "wait what?"

Dumbledore: Drinks the potion.

Harry: "that was stupid!"

Dumbledore: "Water please."

Harry: "here you go ... Oh my god, its 100 gulloms from Lord of the Rings!"

Gulloms: "Preeeeecccccciiiiiiiooooooouuuuuuusssssss"

Audience: "Why are there gulloms?"

David Yates: "Inferi... didn't I mention those earlier like in chapter 2?"

Audience: "no"

David Yates: "oh....then uh.....Magic..."

Audience: "great..."

Dumbledore: Uses water resistant fire

Gulloms: Go away and never come back.

Harry's Invisibility cloak: Is forgotten.

Dumbledore and Harry: Apparate back to Hogwarts

Malfoy: "Dark Lord I fixed the vanishing cabinet! Now your army of Death eaters can enter the school and wage a war of hatred and extermination of all mudbloods in Britain!

Voldemort off screen unheard: "Yesssssss... except that instead of waging war, they can just enter Hogwarts, run around and do nothing. Then you can kill Dumbledore and they can break a bunch of glass and blow out some candles!!

Malfoy: You mean....I fixed this vanishing cabnet, bled all over a bathroom floor for that? I could have done that without death eaters!

Voldemort off screen unheard: "Yesssssss but then there would have been plenty of time for stuff in thissss movie that actually mattered!

Deatheaters: Enter Hogwarts

Harry's invisibility cloak: Bet you wish you had me now! haha stupid git

Harry: Hides in plain sight

Snape: Makes his third and final appearance

Harry: HI snape!

Snape: quiet harry!

Dumbledore: Severus please....

Snape: Kills Dumbledore.

Dumbledore: Thanks bro

Snape: Runs away.

Deatheaters: Don't do anything spectacular. Break some mirrors and blow out candles.

Daniel Radcliffe: Tries to act angry

Harry: Fight you coward! Sectumsempra!

Snape: Fool! Don't shout out your spells use nonverbal ones.

Harry: Wait whaaaaat?? You can do that?

David Yates: Oh oops, i knew i forgot something...

Snape: Oh, and by the way, I'm the half blood prince

Audience: The halfblood what now?

Alan Rickman: Wait a minute...Snape is the half blood prince? This movie is named after my character....and i get 2 minutes of screen time...I am defense against the Dark arts teacher..the biggest part of Hogwarts in each book, and there isn't even one scene... I'm calling my agent. Maybe they can get me a cameo in New Moon.

Chris Weitz: Sorry Alan... We here at Twilight are dedicated to making the worst movie possible, and we already have competition from Half Blood Prince. Having a well known actor such as yourself would instantly make this movie better. We can't have that.

David Yates: Why do you think I only gave him 3 scenes?

Alan Rickman: I hate my life

Audience: Why the heck is this movie called half blood Prince? I don't get it. Shouldn't it be called, Harry Potter and the Half re-written novel? or Harry Potter and "why doesn't she love me like she loves him?"

Another scene not in the book: Happens

End Credits: Woohoo! more Screen time than Alan Rickman!

Dumbledore: Wait... you mean you're not going to bury me? I'm just going to lie out here and rot?

THE END

This post has been edited by Styrofoam: Jul 25 2009, 05:13 PM

[xc coach]

Laughed out loud!

Funny, tongue-in-cheek, and witty.

I liked your David Yates "Magic" answers.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[Styrofoam]

Laughed out loud!

Funny, tongue-in-cheek, and witty.

I liked your David Yates "Magic" answers.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Thanks (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[baty4potter]

This doesn't belong here. Moving to Fan Fic.

[Styrofoam]

This doesn't belong here. Moving to Fan Fic.

It really isn't fan fic... its really more a commentary on how the book was different from the movie in a satirical manner. Fan fic is your own story, everything your own, but whatever you say.

[baty4potter]

It really isn't fan fic... its really more a commentary on how the book was different from the movie in a satirical manner. Fan fic is your own story, everything your own, but whatever you say.

I understand that, but to be honest it doesn't belong where you had it either. I'm moving it back but an explanation of what this long and drawn commentary is about is necessary. It reads more like a fix then a commentary we can all relate to.

[the_prisoner_of_...]

Harry: is confused

Dumbledore: Doesn't explain.

HAHA summed up the plotlines of book 6 and 7 there!!